Employee #1: I need you to check this.
Employee #2: Why, because I'm Asian?
Employee #1: Aw, don't play the race card.
Employee #2: Oh, so now I'm a race car?
Tigard, Oregon
Tonight on Speed Racist
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4PM Order New PCs
IT #1: I asked him if he was in the United States.
IT #2: I tell people if you want to buy a computer, call their support line. If you can’t stand the accent, don’t buy that computer.
1100 SW 6th Avenue
Portland, Oregon
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I Am, After All, a Lady.
Office woman #1: You don't wanna eat butt?
Office woman #2: Not stinky butt!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Silent Assistant
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Soon I’ll Be Able to Afford New Friends
Dude: All my meth addict friends are like, ‘That’s so cool. You have a job.’
Portland, Oregon
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First Break the Employee’s Legs, Then Criticize the Way He Walks
GM: How were you days off?
Supervisor: Pretty good. Did some hiking.
GM: How was the conference?
Supervisor: What conference?
GM: I e-mailed you Wednesday about the loss prevention meeting on Thursday morning. I know it was short notice.
Supervisor: Thursday was my day off. Wednesday was my day off. I wasn’t here to check my e-mails.
GM: So you didn’t go to the mandatory meeting?
Supervisor: Um.
GM: You have to check your e-mail every day. No excuses.
Supervisor: I wasn’t here to check my e-mail.
GM: No excuses.
687 12th Street
Gresham, Oregon
Overheard by: I love 50 e-mails a day
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You Seem to Have Lost Your Passion for the Business
Market researcher, frustrated at client: I don’t have auto pilot Las Vegas porn attendance statistics in my brain!
Pearl District
Portland, Oregon
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Also, I Was Marking My Territory.
Boss: I don't mean to piss on your snow cone, but taking a vacation day the Friday before Labor Day weekend is a no-go!
Portland, Oregon
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Translation: I'm Too Important to Google
Boss: How do you spell “sopping”?
Assistant: I don't know, just google it.
Boss: Haven't you realized yet that you're my google?
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: Jax
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Suzy Goes Predator-Trolling to Amuse Herself
Eight-year-old girl running up to her mother in line: I’m 13, and you don’t know me!
JC Penney
Eugene, Oregon
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11AM Order Staples from OfficeMax
Help desk #1: The staplers are hopelessly broken this time.
Help desk #2: We spend all our time fixing the staplers. Perhaps hwe should just call ourselves Stapler User Services instead of Computer User Services.
3203 SE Woodstock Boulevard
Portland, Oregon
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All Women Need to Be Happy Is Everything Else
Younger female coworker, describing new boyfriend: The thing is, I don't know if that in the long run he would be happy with me.
Older female coworker: Oh, you know what men are like. All you have to do is pat them on the head once in a while and tell them that they're wonderful and they're happy.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: horrified that she's right
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I Had An…uh…Lobotomy
These are all from the same coworker.
Overheard on phone: I am going to need you to help me because this is not information that is readily available in my…uh…brain.
In a meeting while it was snowing outside: This reminds me of growing up in New York…I mean…Vermont.
Another meeting: The last thing we want to do is provide an immediate response to an immediate question.
522 SW 5th
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Breanna Freeman
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Ice Cream Eating Geeks Has Its Moments
Boss: You know, there is nothing funnier than geeks eating ice cream.
3175 NW Aloclek Drive
Hillsboro, Oregon
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1PM Sales Follow-up
Co-worker is on the phone with a customer.
Co-worker: No, I work in an office. And they make me wear pants.
400 Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
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Any Other Dreams I Can Crush Before Lunch?
Secretary #1: Is your boyfriend coming for Christmas? Secretary #2: Yeah! He's in med school in Seattle studying to be an ER doc, so I don't get to see him much. Female doctor, just coming into room: Them! Don't get me started on ER docs! Secretary #1: Oh? Doctor: They can't keep their pants on–and the married ones are worse! Albany General Hosptial Albany...
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He Does Freddies
Bond salesperson to trader: Yeah, Stew’s* pretty conservative. He doesn’t do Fannies. 1000 SW Broadway Portland...
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The Ones I Hired an Hour Ago Are Already Exhausted
Receptionist on cell: We're going to have to make a special trip to New York, girl, because I need some new door knockers in my life, and you know I'm not going to find them around here. Portland...
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10AM Pick Up Package
Worker #1: I’m expecting my new inbox today. Worker #2: You’re pregnant again? Worker #1: … 6475 SW Fallbrook Place Beaverton...
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But I’m in My Foxhole!
Engineer to another: Well, if you’re out of ammunition, then you must be an atheist. 2400 Congress Street Portland...
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12PM Proof Copy
Liaison: I need you to look at this with your anal eye. 12447 SW 69th Avenue Portland...
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More Pages to Explore .....
