Techie: I’m sorry about the delay. We’re using a new system, and I liked the old system. I’m a creature of habit and resist change.
Customer: Tell me about it; I’m with the Archdiocese.
555 International Way
Springfield, Oregon
We’re Still Trying to Get the Pope to Stop Using the Abacus
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Especially When You're Hung Over?
Whiny cube dweller: But I just really enjoy my sausage in the morning, ya know? Coburg, Oregon
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And Rain Man Could Tell Me How Many There Were
Coworker dissing fire-making skills on Survivor: I would learn to light a fire before I went. I would have to stick the matches up my cooch. Portland, Oregon
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If You’re Typing That, Don’t Send It Right Away
Coworker in response to email she just got: Oh my god, Sandy*, you stupid whore. Portland, Oregon Overheard by: other side of the cube
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Pirates, Duh
CEO, to no one in particular: So we're talking to this fucking prick up in Alaska, and I keep hearing this whistling. So I say “hey man, what the fuck is that noise? Turns out it's his fucking parrot, so I tell him to kill the fucker. Who has parrots? Portland, Oregon
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There's a Reason Your Nametag Says “Awkward Guy”
Coworker: I made a conscious effort not to wear any perfume today in case it was causing you to sneeze, so if I stink, it's your fault.
Conversation disruptor: I love your stink.
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: Sneezy
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And Sleepy and Grateful?
Assistant: Wait, it doesn’t look like the data was deleted when you opened the program.
Boss: What? I thought it was supposed to suck ’em off!
Assistant: What?
Boss: Suck ’em off! Suck ’em off until they’re empty!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Working on my resume
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Not Just Any Juices, Either — Don’t Do What I Did
Girl: Ummm… You need boy juices in order to make a baby.
610 Broadway
Portland, Oregon
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He Does Freddies
Bond salesperson to trader: Yeah, Stew’s* pretty conservative. He doesn’t do Fannies.
1000 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon
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And While We’re on the Topic, How Come You Never Call Me at Night?
Guy on cell: I can hardly hear you. It sounds like you’re in a coffin. Beaverton, Oregon Overheard by: brian
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Soon I’ll Be Able to Afford New Friends
Dude: All my meth addict friends are like, ‘That’s so cool. You have a job.’ Portland, Oregon
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You Also Need to Have Finished Third-Grade Math
Worker: Yup, it takes a lot more than a million dollars to be a millionaire these days. Hermiston, Oregon
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10AM Fix Time Machine
Boss: Does anyone need this 2005 calendar?
Grunt: No thanks; my time machine is broken.
414 South Main Street
Independence, Oregon
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Well Said! You May Attend the Meeting for Me
Male suit: Meetings are like suction cups. They stick to things and leave a lasting mark that's tough to clean off. They can be useful in some instances, though they almost always suck, and when they don't suck people try and make them suck in a different location.
Underling: You forgot to add, though, that when they aren't working right, you can always start licking to see it that helps. A little moisture always makes things more interesting.
Central Point, Oregon
Overheard by: Turbo
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People Who Can Afford to Stay Home With Their Kids Don't Always Want to
Frustrated coworker, about daughter with object in her ear: I am not rewarding her for putting something in her body! Tigard, Oregon
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I Thought There Was No Evidence Of IUDs!
Elevator geek: An IUD is not a weapon. It's a contraceptive.
Elevator cougar: Depends on who you ask.
Portland, Oregon
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This Just Got Way Too Zen
Intercom: Hey, how do you spell Sarah with an “h”?
Assistant: Yes.
3350 Tillamook Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Carrie Cole
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Do We Even Sell That?
Peon: Barry*, did you put a folder on my computer called ‘Horse porn’?
Barry: No.
Beaverton, Oregon
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5PM That’s a Wrap
Voice on elevator emergency intercom: Hello? Hello?
Confused woman who just got on: Um…..yes?
Voice: Yes, I’m Karen* from American Express. Can I please speak with Shin Chen*?
Woman: Um…No… You just reached an elevator.
Voice: Oh! Well, thank you for using American Express. If you have any questions, please call 1-800-555-1234*. Thanks for using American Express and have a great day!
541 Willamette Street
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: the other passenger
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Not on My Watch
Insurance coordinator on phone: I received your mold report and just for future reference, “caulking” is not spelled “c-o-c-k-i-n-g.”
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kanee
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More Pages to Explore .....
