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    Techie: I’m sorry about the delay. We’re using a new system, and I liked the old system. I’m a creature of habit and resist change.Customer: Tell me about it; I’m with the Archdiocese. 555 International WaySpringfield, Oregon

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    Whiny cube dweller: But I just really enjoy my sausage in the morning, ya know? Coburg, Oregon

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    Coworker dissing fire-making skills on Survivor: I would learn to light a fire before I went. I would have to stick the matches up my cooch. Portland, Oregon

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    Coworker in response to email she just got: Oh my god, Sandy*, you stupid whore. Portland, Oregon Overheard by: other side of the cube

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  • 08/07/15--12:21: Pirates, Duh
  • CEO, to no one in particular: So we're talking to this fucking prick up in Alaska, and I keep hearing this whistling. So I say “hey man, what the fuck is that noise? Turns out it's his fucking parrot, so I tell him to kill the fucker. Who has parrots? Portland, Oregon

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    Coworker: I made a conscious effort not to wear any perfume today in case it was causing you to sneeze, so if I stink, it's your fault.Conversation disruptor: I love your stink. Beaverton, Oregon Overheard by: Sneezy

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  • 08/25/15--20:45: And Sleepy and Grateful?
  • Assistant: Wait, it doesn’t look like the data was deleted when you opened the program.Boss: What? I thought it was supposed to suck ’em off!Assistant: What?Boss: Suck ’em off! Suck ’em off until they’re empty! Portland, Oregon Overheard by: Working on my resume

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    Girl: Ummm… You need boy juices in order to make a baby. 610 BroadwayPortland, Oregon

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  • 10/03/15--07:56: He Does Freddies
  • Bond salesperson to trader: Yeah, Stew’s* pretty conservative. He doesn’t do Fannies. 1000 SW BroadwayPortland, Oregon

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    Guy on cell: I can hardly hear you. It sounds like you’re in a coffin. Beaverton, Oregon Overheard by: brian

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    Dude: All my meth addict friends are like, ‘That’s so cool. You have a job.’ Portland, Oregon

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    Worker: Yup, it takes a lot more than a million dollars to be a millionaire these days. Hermiston, Oregon

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  • 11/20/15--21:06: 10AM Fix Time Machine
  • Boss: Does anyone need this 2005 calendar? Grunt: No thanks; my time machine is broken. 414 South Main Street Independence, Oregon

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    Male suit: Meetings are like suction cups. They stick to things and leave a lasting mark that's tough to clean off. They can be useful in some instances, though they almost always suck, and when they don't suck people try and make them suck in a different location.Underling: You forgot to add, though, that when […]

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    Frustrated coworker, about daughter with object in her ear: I am not rewarding her for putting something in her body! Tigard, Oregon

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    Elevator geek: An IUD is not a weapon. It's a contraceptive.Elevator cougar: Depends on who you ask. Portland, Oregon

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  • 01/11/16--07:47: This Just Got Way Too Zen
  • Intercom: Hey, how do you spell Sarah with an “h”? Assistant: Yes. 3350 Tillamook Street Portland, Oregon Overheard by: Carrie Cole

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  • 09/14/17--20:26: Do We Even Sell That?
  • Peon: Barry*, did you put a folder on my computer called ‘Horse porn’? Barry: No. Beaverton, Oregon

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  • 10/04/17--04:35: 5PM That’s a Wrap
  • Voice on elevator emergency intercom: Hello? Hello? Confused woman who just got on: Um…..yes? Voice: Yes, I’m Karen* from American Express. Can I please speak with Shin Chen*? Woman: Um…No… You just reached an elevator. Voice: Oh! Well, thank you for using American Express. If you have any questions, please call 1-800-555-1234*. Thanks for using […]

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  • 04/06/18--10:14: Not on My Watch
  • Insurance coordinator on phone: I received your mold report and just for future reference, “caulking” is not spelled “c-o-c-k-i-n-g.” Portland, Oregon Overheard by: Kanee

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